We are just moulds, casting plasticine

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

Remember when you were a kid in primary school and you had to make these ridiculous arts and crafts project with plasticine? I used to hate it because the pasticine smells so bad and my hands always felt so oily after playing with it. Plus, i hate to mix different plasticine together; I didn't like the colours tainted. Yeah, I'm disciplined in that way.

And yet plasticine is exactly the metaphor I will be using to describe the raising of children. I know it's so reductive of me... but in an essence, they are as malleable and pliable as you want them to be. And as parents, as adults, we are the moulds.

When I was younger, my consolation was always knowing that parents never had practice before having real children and they actually go into this parenting business blindly. As the eldest, that always meant I bore the brunt of all their experiments- be it punishment, disciplined, expectations and disappointment. And of course, to them, when I rebelled, it meant the world was going to end. Lol. So it is quite hilarious to see them go through the same process all over again with my brothers but guess what? This time, with more experience, they just sit back and say 'it's just a phase. he'll get over it. '

So on this topic of children I just wanted to lay out 3 different scenarios:

The first one is about a relative of mine, who due to his stable income, is able to afford living in a landed property and has the desire to have more children. He already has three children and his wife has just gotten pregnant with their fourth. But the sad thing is, his wife hardly takes care of their kids because she doesn't know how to. She leaves them to the maid and her in-laws. It's a bit sad to find out about such things. My mother was telling me that I better not dump my kids on her. I wanted to protest of course, seeing that my dad, being bored at home would love playing with the kids... but then, I also have Hubtobe's mom who is also bored at home and would love to take care of the kids.

The second is about my kids' maid who after 12 years of service, decided to return home to her own children and family, leaving behind, her surrogate children, whom she has helped to raise since birth. She had been their mother, raising them, educating them, enforcing solat and fast on them... and suddenly she's gone. But at the same time, I pity her own children who were devoid of their own mother's love and who had to grow up without her... how did they feel and what are they now without her influence?

Lastly, how does a mother decide which child to send to secular school and which child to send to a full-time madrasah? I was discussing with Hubtobe the other day and he said he'd want our girls to wear the tudung once they start preschool. I'd think 7 years old is a better time and best if we sent them to a full time madrasah too so they are surrounded by girls and women who are dressed conservatively.

We had this idea that we should send the first son and first daughter to a full time madrasah and then the rest we could send to secular schools. But I don't know... I'm not used to a madrasah system. Plus they'd not have the chance to mingle with non-malays and non-muslims for their entire schooling years. Ah, we'll think about it when we get there.

It's just... raising children is an amanah from Allah... and a very difficult task. It's not about dressing them up in the most trendiest clothes or enrolling them in ridiculously expensive early learning schools and what not...

Children are going to keep you awake at night and hound you restlessly during the day for attention and make all sorts of pleas and demands... then they grow up and start rebelling, shouting at you and then they get married and then you suddenly feel old and you're going to die.

How does one get over the fear of failing them? Of failing Him?

Wallahualam Bissawab...