Jealousy; astaghfirualllah...

I've been toying with writing short stories since I was 19... and now I've braved longer stories that cross into novel categories. I will be humble and say that while I have my share of fans, I still am an amateur writer and still learning from some of the other writers within the guild as well as from published authors.

I had this conversation regarding the content of romance novels and sometimes I think it is so difficult at times to pick up a book and NOT see the cover of a man and a woman. I think I've stopped reading cheesy romance novels ever since I was 15. And nowadays if there are sexual content in the stories [even in murder/thriller ones], I just skip the part.

Truth is, some of these writers write the best plot and it's such a shame that they have their characters engage in pre-marital sex... although, I have found a book where sex is only mentioned between the married characters and the author doesn't go into details. Yes, that's good but if you're not married yet, skip that part please. -laughs-

So anyway, today, one of my fellow writers asked me what pen name should she use for publishing and I was a bit taken aback. We had talked about publishing our work together because we write the same genre and I didn't expect her to go ahead with it before me. =(

She's a few years older than me and had built up her reader base for two additional years so I guess she deserves it... and the moment I started feeling jealous... astaghfiruallah... I said to myself, what would my Prophet s.a.w. say? He would say Alhamdulillah for that person. And he would also say that you should not compare yourself to anyone. If you want that knowledge, you have to earn it and work hard for it.

So insyaallah, I will. Being a full time author is something I really am hoping to achieve some day. So for now... I'll have to improve on my writing, do more research for accurate historical backgrounds and then let my imagination develop. Writing takes time to mature and I should be grateful I have this skill and knowledge, instead of being jealous at others for having more of it. =)

Happy Teachers' Day

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

Today the kids have no school because it's teachers' day. Even my youngest brother slept in today. It's his birthday also but we're not really celebrating it. It's like that in my family. We just keep it within the family, remind each other that we love each other and we're grateful to Allah that we're alive.

Well that aside, I had to teach the children today and perhaps I was tired and sleepy and they too were tired and sleepy so I ended up scolding them alot. The girl's used to it... sometimes I think my scolding and nagging doesn't work on her anymore. But the boy got a bit hurt today. He said this to me:

"Just now you scolded my sister, now you scold me."

Oh gosh... I'm so sorry my baby.. I really didn't mean to scold you so much... but you were really making me lose my patience. It was then I realise that I am fasting and so I tried to control my temper. Even when he was sleeping with his eyes awake and day dreaming while I ask him to answer a question, I kept my voice down and did not scold him. Usually I don't scold him because he's quite smart and learns fast but today he was especially braindead and it was only 11am!

I asked Hubtobe if I should buy them something to say sorry, but he said that I should not pamper them too much. Oh dear. What should I do?

Okay, on another note, I've decided to change the layout of the blog. When I first started, I did it simply to get the blog running but soon forgot to customize it. So here are a few options. The picture colour's not too exact but it's close.

I like these kinda russet tones. Sets me in the mood! I'm gonna ponder a while then maybe play around with the templates then nag at Hubtobe to help me decide.

That's all for now! For all the teachers out there, have a good rest today!

A very Brilliant Conversation

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

I was clearing my old hotmail account which is flooded from junk and found this little piece of email from a friend.

A VERY INTERESTING CONVERSATION

An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his class on the problem Science has with GOD, the ALMIGHTY. He asked one of his New Christian Students to stand and . . .

Professor : You are a Christian, aren't you, son ?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So, you Believe in GOD ?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is GOD Good ?
Student : Sure.
Professor : Is GOD ALL - POWERFUL ?
Student : Yes.
Professor : My Brother died of Cancer even though he Prayed to GOD to Heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn't. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent )

Professor : You can't answer, can you ? Let's start again, Young Fella. Is GOD Good?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Is Satan good ?
Student : No.
Professor : Where does Satan come from ?
Student : From . . . GOD . . .
Professor : That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this World?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Evil is everywhere, isn't it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor : So who created evil ?

(Student did not answer)

Professor : Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the World, don't they?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So, who Created them ?

(Student had no answer)

Professor : Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify and Observe the World around you. Tell me, son . . . Have you ever Seen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor : Tell us if you have ever Heard your GOD?
Student : No , sir. Professor : Have you ever Felt your GOD, Tasted your GOD, Smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Professor : Yet you still Believe in HIM?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student : Nothing. I only have my Faith.
Professor : Yes,Faith. And that is the Problem Science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?
Professor : Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as Cold?
Professor : Yes.
Student : No, sir. There isn't.

(The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events )

Student : Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat, Superheat, Mega Heat, White Heat, a Little Heat or No Heat. But we don't have anything called Cold. We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is No Heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as Cold. Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat. We cannot Measure Cold. Heat is Energy. Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it.

(There was Pin-Drop Silence in the Lecture Theatre )

Student : What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as Darkness?
Professor : Yes. What is Night if there isn't Darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the Absence of Something You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light . . . But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and its called Darkness, isn't it? In reality, Darkness isn't. If it is, were you would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn't you?

Professor : So what is the point you are making, Young Man ?
Student : Sir, my point is your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
Professor : Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD and a Bad GOD. You are viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can't even explain a Thought. It uses Electricity and Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing. Death is Not the Opposite of Life: just the Absence of it Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students that they evolved from a Monkey?

Professor : If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a Smile, beginning to realize where the Argument was going )

Student : Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and Cannot even prove that this Process is an On-Going Endeavor, Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir? Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?

(The Class was in Uproar )

Student : Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the Professor's Brain?

(The Class broke out into Laughter )

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's Brain, Felt it, touched or Smelt it? . .. . No one appears to have done so. So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that You have No Brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then Trust your Lectures, sir?

(The Room was Silent. The Professor stared at the Student, his face unfathomable)

Professor : I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son.
Student : That is it sir . . . Exactly ! The Link between Man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that Keeps Things Alive and Moving.

NB:I believe you have enjoyed the Conversation . . . and if so .. . You'll probably want your Friends / Colleagues to enjoy the same . . . won't you? Forward them to Increase their Knowledge . . . or FAITH. That student was Albert Einstein.

A meaningful Fast =)

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

I'm currently exhausted and waiting for my hair to dry before I perform my Asr prayers. Today has been a whirlwind of housework- laundry, cleaning and clearing. Heh heh.

When I was younger, I used to hate doing the cleaning and will always lament that my brothers are useless and do not help with the chores. I still do think that and I have made it a point that when I have sons, I will make sure they know how to cook, bake and clean just like the girls.

So after doing handwashing of laundry, I sorted out my past years' worth of readings and notes; dug out what I may need for this semester and chased away the dust mites and god knows what else inside that cupboard of mine.

After that, its cleaning the windows. But by the 4th room, my hands were having blisters and rashes and I had to stop. =( Sensitive skin with no more natural protection.

But the day feels very meaningful because I've done all these with the intention of pleasing Allah and I feel very contented.

Alhamdulliah...

Wedding jitters fritters

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

This is my first wedding discussion, although I am sure it won't be the last. Well, before I start, I just want to say that in Singapore, weddings have become such a big thing that on average, families spend about $25k for their whole wedding and that could just be on the female or male side of the couple.

I am thankful that at least me and Hubtobe do not wish to splurge so much on our wedding and see it simply as an opportunity to sedekah food and invite people to rekindle their bonds and ties to each other. But with that said, do you know how many people have already booked their caterer, clothes and everything else even when they're getting married in Dec 2011??? goodness! We haven't even started! In fact, Hubtobe hasn't even proposed to my parents! -laugh-

But seriously... this catering and wedding field is quite lucrative. In a month, surely there will be 3-4 weddings. And on the popular months like June and December... well, you can expect up to 8-10. Seeing how lucrative it is, I decided to look around for the pricing... and lo and behold, even my eyes are popping out!

1000 pax could fetch at least $9500 and at most $15k! That's very expensive. Then you add your decoration and your wedding gown and this and that and tada! You spend about $25k.

My only consolation is that we are having a combined wedding and at least we could share the cost. But $25k is almost like half the cost of my education in university!

Truth be told, I wish I could postpone this trivial spending to a few more years... but it would be right if we nikah first then have the whole hoo hah more than 1 year apart right? I don't get it. The purpose of a wedding is to make the couple halal... yet all these extravagance seems... so... over the top don't you think?

Contemplative Conundrums

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

Last night, I saw a friend commenting that she despises people who do eat, smoke and drink in front of others during the fasting month. She also goes on to further point out that these people are not muslims and are despicable.

So, she has contemplated the situation and came out with a conclusion- all of which are really conundrums to her of course.

It is not in our place to question the WHY in people's actions or inactions. We should leave it up to Him to ascertain accordingly. Similarly, we have no right to judge if someone is a bad muslim or if that person is a muslim at all. So it was very disheartening for me to see such a post on Facebook. She has made this issue her problem and in that process riddle herself with the conundrum that can never be answered except by Allah.

But the irony is... fasting is the 3rd pillar of our rukun Islam... so before you begin to judge others, you should see if you yourself have fulfilled the first and second requirements- which are, proclaiming the syahadah and doing your five prayers. Many of us, have been fasting but all we get out of it is the feeling of hunger, thirst and fatigue... because our fast had been nullified when we leave out our obligations to pray.

-sigh-

Then there's the issue of he-who- shall- not-be-named-because-I'm- so-annoyed-at-you. Please do not take 8 years to complete your Honours because procrastination is a sin. (see here)

Ibnul-Qayyim said, ‘There is nothing that Allah has enjoined, but Shaytan has ways of dealing with it, either by inclining (people) towards falling short and being negligence or excessive and exaggeration. He does not care which of these two mistakes a person makes. So he may come to a person’s heart and check it out, and if he finds that he is lazy, negligent and looking for concessions, then he goes along with that. He holds him back and stops him from doing things; he makes him lazy, indifferent and negligent, and encourages him to seek alternative interpretations and hope for forgiveness etc., until a person may give up doing all things that have been enjoined.

One of the ways in which Shaytan does this is mentioned in the hadith recorded in Saheeh al-Bukharee from Abu Hurayrah (radhi allahu anhu), who said that the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said,

‘Shaytan puts three knots at the back of the head of any of you if he is asleep. On every knot he reads and exhales the following words, ‘The night is long, so stay asleep.’ When one wakes up and remembers Allah, one knot is undone; and when one performs ablution, the second knot is undone, and when one prays the third knot is undone and one gets up energetic with a good heart in the morning; otherwise one gets up lazy and with a mischievous heart.’ [Saheeh al-Bukharee (21/243)]

Therefore, seek refuge in Him whenever you feel lost because I can't always give you the right answers...

Allahumma innee a`dhu bika mina al-‘ajzi wa al-kasal wa al-jubun wa al-bukhl wa ghalabati al-dayni wa qahri al-rrijaal

(O Allah, I seek refuge in You from helplessness, sloth, cowardice, niggardliness, and burden of debts and domineering men.)

Laa ilaaha illa Allaahu al-`azeem al-haleem, la ilaaha illa Allaahu rabbu al-`arshi al-`azeem, laa ilaaha illa Allaahu rabbu al-ssamaawaati wa al-ardhi wa rabbu al-`arshi al-kareem

(There is no god but Allah, the Glorious and Clement; there is no god but Allah, Lord of the Great Throne; there is no god but Allah, Lord of the heavens and earth and the Noble Throne).”

To go or not to go? That is the question...

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

I recently received an invitation from my school's Muslim society for an educational forum this coming Ramadhan. It sounds interesting and I want to go, although it's 6hours long, but I don't have a friend to go with.

Here's the phamplet:
How often do we review our intention in seeking knowledge? Are we even aware of the proper etiquette of seeking knowledge?

As critical thinking Muslims, we often question. Not willing to passively just accept things at face value. But, what exactly is Islam’s take on "Freedom of Thought"? Can this even be applied in Islam? And what are the "Etiquette in Seeking Knowledge"?

Indeed, this is the dilemma of the knowledge seeker. Looki...ng for answers? Join us this Ramadhan, 21st August, as we join a distinguished panel of speakers to discuss and rediscover the true purpose of seeking knowledge.

Moderator: Ustaz Nasir Johari
Panelists: Dr Albakri Ahmad, Ustaz Azrinah Abu Basri, Ustaz Muhammad Noor Deros


Is it silly to think that I should not go because my level of iman or religion is not as high or the same as the others who go there? What if they ask me a question and I have no idea what's the answer? Will they look at me and think - "How can this person be called a muslimah when she doesn't know the answer? She's wearing a hijab for godsake!"

But what pushes me to want to go for this is that the realization that seeking knowledge in the holy month of Ramadhan surely will bring about its merits. Allah knows how much there's to atone for and repent.

Allah, enlighten me!

Baking Pleasures

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

This morning I woke up and it was so dark that I thought it was still 8am but it turned out to be 10.30am. Goodness, I've overslept! I thought of doing laundry but judging from the weather I don't think that's advisable coz it looks like it will rain the whole day.

So I decided to continue writing my story. Ah yes, I'm a freelance writer for an online repository and I haven't been sending in any fiction lately so I've decided to continue writing. To my horror, I found it missing in my thumbdrive! Astagfirallah...

I eventually found it in my external hard drive, alhamdullillah, and I will be starting on it soon. Influenced by The Mentalist and In Death, it's no surprise about the genre i've undertaken this time.

Ok, that aside, this entry is actually about my first Raspberry Swirls Cheesecake I made for my family, in particular my youngest brother who had asked for it months ago. Alhamdullillah, it turned out great and I am grateful for Allah for giving me the knowledge and patience to make it.

So first up, here are the ingredients:

There was only a punnet of raspberries left so I had to supplement it with some blackberries to make up 200ml of puree for the cake later.























So after about 3 hours of mixing, kneading and baking, here's what the cake look like:

Fresh from the oven... kinda looked like chocolate swirls right? But it's the lighting really. By the time it was done, it was about maghrib so it was dark. So I left it to cool and decorated it only the next day:

Still in it's pan... looks so pretty in the sun light doesn't it?













Here you go... out of the pan and onto the plate. That's the first slice for my middle brother. The youngest one was too busy with his homework to eat. Bleagh. But my brother said it was nice and asked me to open a bakery with him! So sweet!














I have yet to let Hubtobe eat it. He usually doesn't like sweet stuff but he has promised to eat this cake because I have lovingly made it. =)

Alhamdulillah the cake has turned out wonderful. For the first time, the crust actually did not break so that's another thing I'm grateful for. Insyaallah, I'll make more cakes in the future.

There's this one lady whom I owe alot of inspiration from. Her blog is here: http://homebakery.blogspot.com/ She has made a few cakes for me and my cousins and we are always grateful to her and she has very ethical business and is a pious woman as well, thus, salute!

As for me, I will constantly try to gain as much knowledge as possible especially with regards to cooking and baking, so I that I can be a good wife, daughter and sister to my loved ones. As Imam Shafiee said, “There is nothing more sacred after the fundamental obligations of faith than searching for knowledge” (Kitab al-Um).

Insyaallah, with Allah's permission, I will be better. =)

Things kids write

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

Children in their innocence write the most funniest things sometimes... and yet they so blatantly express their love for you without an ounce of shyness. Well... that usually is the case, until they grow up. Even for me, I don't say 'I love you' to my parents... it's not our culture because my mother believes that loving someone is in the actions you do, not the words you say. The contrast is for my dad who would really send me smses and emails ending with 'be good my baby, I love you.' Hehehehe. He still thinks I'm a little girl and it shows. Whenever he's overseas and buys me clothes, he always buys them in sizes big enough for an 8 year old. -laughs-

But anyway, this post is about my beloved tuition kid who secretly writes to me the most hilarious notes at the end of her compositions/karangan.

For example, yesterday we were doing a pictorial composition about 'A trip to the chocolate factory' and she did really well so I gave her 17/20 and here's what she wrote:



There's even laughter and a kiss. She's just so adorable.

Here's another note she wrote when we were discussing about my hair.



When I asked her why she described me, a female as 'handsome', she replied that it was because I had no hair. Lol! I told her that I do have hair, it's just that it's covered under the tudung!
As for 'islam princess', it was because she insisted that I could not be either Jasmine, Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty or Little Mermaid coz they all don't wear tudung. -laughs-

Here's another one:



This girl is so cute! She goes all the way to redeem herself by saying 'I love you' then she goes into a passive aggressive mode- insisting that I was both pretty and handsome with a grammar error at that. =)

She's only eight years old but she has come a long way from where she was in primary 1. I remembered we battled over her calculations, her grammar and so many other things in primary one coz she was failing english and maths so terribly. But I learn that children are as absorbent as a sponge if you encourage them and teach them right. Sometimes you've got to give them tokens of encouragement such as these:



Choosing stickers is her favourite time during the lesson coz she will ponder over it a long time to decide which sticker she wants to be pasted on the page. Well, at times she'll raid my other sticker collection in my organizer especially for the 'marie cat' and 'powerpuff girls' that I keep.

I remembered when I first started wearing tudung, the children were quite shocked and she kept on asking me why am I wearing 'that thing' and where's my hair. I suppose she doesn't know all these because the womenfolk at home do not put on the tudung. I told her that because it is wajib and she asked me what is that. So I had to explain in the most simplest way that wajib is something Allah expects us to do because we love Him. But she's too young to comprehend that.

But I always make sure that she knows special dates like Maulid Rasul and of course Ramadhan... she's still fasting for half days at a time, but I tell her she has to try.

There is one day when she asked me why doesn't her mother and aunt pray? And to that, I really had no answer. It is not that I want to speak ill of them, but that is the question she asked me. =( see... I teach the children from asar all the way to isyak so I have to perform my asar and maghrib at their house. Initially, I would qasar them because I didn't want to eat into the children's tuition time, but after a while, Hubtobe told me that I should fear Allah more than I fear being scolded by the children's parents. Furthermore, their maid does pray so she was very kind to let me use her prayer mat and pray in her make shift room =)

But you see, praying just beside the study table with the children in full view of me is a good thing for them... because they watch me (even though I say to do their work) and for the girl, she likes to ask a lot of questions afterwards and for the boy, it gives me an excuse to nag at him to pray instead of watching tv after his turn is over.

Although they are not my children, I still want to be able to teach them a little bit of agama on top of their secular learnings. I think I want to start them on reading the doa before studying. Insyaallah, it will help them absorb more with Allah's permission.

I really love these children and they are good kids who listen to you and don't make trouble. My boy wants to be a soldier and my girl wants to be an art teacher. I do not know till how long I would be teaching them, but I hope that when I leave, they will be better muslimin and muslimahs.

The jihad approach to battling with your weight

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

At first glance, the title of this post might sound ludicrous but I think it is appropriate.

Jihad, is an Arabic noun meaning "struggle" and is commonly found in the Quran in the form of "al-jihad fi sabillillah", meaning "striving in the way of Allah".

Surprisingly, Wikipedia gives a rather good sypnopsis of the various views regarding jihad. Being trained as a scholar, Wikipedia is not really seen as a credible source but this webpage has enough valid references to garner it some merit.

However, my main topic for the day is how I see battling with my weight a form of jihad. See, food, in excess becomes a form of gluttony and that in itself is a sin. Our Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. has said that if you must eat more, then make sure you fill your stomach with 1/3 food, 1/3 water and 1/3 air.

Also, in my opinion, Allah has lent to us this vessel, in the form of our bodies for us to serve Him. And how can we do so with near perfection if our knees collapse due to our weight?

For every illness, there is a remedy and in the broadest sense, the illness of gluttony has to be remedied by watching what you eat and exercising.

I keep telling myself that I have to struggle to be healthy because of Allah, so I can do more prayers and have the stamina to do more fasts in His name. Yet, I fail miserably, day after day because my heart is not strong enough to resist temptations.

With two more weeks till Ramadhan, I can still utilize the gym facilities before they freeze my account. I pray that I can resist the urge to overeat when breaking fast.

Struggle struggle struggle... I've got to struggle with 20kg of excess weight...

Oh Allah, give me the strength!

A first for everything

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

It's been a while since I've planned to open up a blog and so I've finally done it. I've been putting off writing a blog for a variety of reasons but after reading a few muslimah blogs, I've decided it's time.

I want to use this blog mainly to record my spiritual journey - it's been a year since I've put on the hijab and every day it is a challenge for me because putting on a hijab is not just about covering your hair; it's also about watching your words, your actions and increasing your iman. I am here now, learning to love Rasulallah s.a.w and always doing things in remembrance of Allah every day.

In a few days, it will be Nisfu Syaaban, a day where our book of deeds are carried to heaven and replaced with a new one. It is my hope that I would be able to fill that book with more pahala than dosa in the coming year. Insyaallah.

Hopefully, through my writings, I would be able to achieve some level of kafarah; a chance to cover my past sins and repent with taubatan nasuhah in the name of Allah.

At the same time, I hope to learn as much along the way from other women on other blogs, from those more knowledgeable than I and of course, from my own mistakes.