I'd just like to share this article i found here:
http://www.muslimahsource.org/uncategorized/lose-some-weight-or-gain-some-faith-%C2%A9/
By: Umm Zakiyyah
“Oh, I envy you!” The woman’s eyes were wide as she stared at Aya’s thin physique from where the woman sat next to Aya on the couch, where they both held small glass plates of dessert, as did the other women in the room.
Aya smiled slyly as she carelessly finished off her second slice of German chocolate cake, using the side of her fork to scrape the glass saucer free of dark, rich icing before licking the fork clean. She had delivered her fifth child only six weeks ago, and the fitting shirt she wore revealed a flat tummy and petite frame.
“How do you do it?” another woman asked.
Aya shrugged. “I don’t. I never stress over what I eat.”
She laughed. “God, I’d die if I had to count calories. Food’s the only thing I can depend on to always be sweet when I approach.”
The women laughed.
“But you must be doing
something. I swear, I’ve tried every diet out there, and none of them work.”
“Tell me about it.”
Aya wore a hesitant smile, unsure how to respond.
“Oh my God,” a woman said, glancing at her watch just then. “It’s almost time for
‘Asr. Let’s hurry up and pray
Dhuhr before it goes out.”
It’s a scene almost every woman can relate to. The always-thin-no-matter-what-I-eat [and by-the-way-I-never-exercise!] woman walks into the room, and every woman wants to know what her secret is (including me!). But even as we listen intently to whatever she says, if she says anything at all, deep inside we know each of us already knows the answer, at least as it relates to our
real question.
Now why can’t I
look like that?
Metabolism, genes, “baby fat,” laziness, and just plain “bad luck” are just a few possible answers. We go through the “diet binges” (as I like to call them), then we’re back to square one (well, not exactly, because that’s where we were trying to get with the diet). In any case, it’s to no avail.
Then we turn to self-help literature.
Love the Real You.
Embrace That Baby Fat.
True Beauty Is Within.
You Don’t Have
to Be Thin.
Beauty in Plus Sizes.
Next comes Dr. Phil. The talking head (and body) tells us, in all the wisdom of an experienced mental health doctor, that television is taking over our lives and we shouldn’t let its beauty standards and consumerism and “quick fixes” distract us from what matters most (as he talks to us from that
very medium).
Then comes Oprah. Not the show, because, for our purposes, we can mute the woman’s voice and watch her talk soundlessly and laugh carelessly from that venerable couch. Because all we want to do is gape at the well-shaped, not-thin woman, so proud and confident in herself.
Last comes our epiphany, even if bitterly.
I am who I am, “love handles” and all. And I’m fine with that.
Then… our crying. And blaming
others for being so fixated on the superficial.
Tissues are stacked next to us on the couch, and we dab our teary eyes and blow our noses, overcome with a surge of emotion. Despondent and inspired, we say to ourselves,
People should love me no matter how I look!
“Your husband may love you unconditionally,” I once told an unhappy, overweight wife who shared this same sentiment. “But he won’t
desire you unconditionally.”
Here’s the truth about our repeatedly failed diets, exercise regimens, and starvation programs: It’s not the diet or exercise program that failed.
And no, unless you’re aiming for that anorexic/bulimic skin-on-bones Kate Moss look, the problem is not even your metabolism, genes, “baby fat,” or “bad luck” (though starvation or a self-imposed hunger strike may give you that skeleton appeal, if that’s what you’re going for).
As Oprah herself said when embarking on her own diet and exercise program:
It’s about changing your life.
But let’s be honest with ourselves momentarily, especially given the obsessive media fixation on superficial beauty (and our tendency to view this superficiality as a terrible vice).
There
is something in the nature of how Allah created women (and the men) that places at least
some value on the superficial, a lot of value in fact. Though, it is true that the commercialism of “sex appeal” and the constant media bombardment of manufactured “beauty” are a bit superfluous and disingenuous to say the least.
Modern insanity of media-hyped vanity. That’s what I call it.
But “vanity,” in the non-literal, non-sinful sense of the word is a part of human nature. After all, Allah Himself is beautiful, and He loves beauty. We learn this from the Sunnah.
Stories of the miraculous beauty of Prophet Yusuf
‘alayhi salaam, the uncommon feminine beauty of our Mothers Safiyyah, Zaynab, and ‘Ayesha, may Allah be pleased with them, give us a glimpse into the reality and power of the superficial even in spiritual life.
Of course, these wonderful human beings weren’t wonderful
because they were beautiful. But their beauty was not completely meaningless to those around them, men or women.
So in order to properly address our own desires for “looking good,” we need to embrace the idea that we
should be beautiful—
With respect to how Allah created
us, not others. [Ever wondered about that du’aa you say when looking in the mirror?
O Allah, You have made my physical constitution good, so make my character good also. This is a
du’aa for
anyone who passes a mirror, not just for the Aya’s amongst us.]
…But back to our failed diet programs.
Let’s be honest again.
We’re not unintelligent beings. We know where the cookie jar is, and we know where we put that salad bowl; and on
most days, we don’t mix them up.
We know that excessive sugar, processed foods, and emotional eating are not good for us. We know that exercising regularly and staying on task while “eating right”are almost
always successful in cutting off excessive fat, firming up that stomach, and giving you the inspiration to smile from the heart and feel good about yourself.
And though laziness
may be a problem for many of us (even for the Aya’s of the world), it’s likely not our greatest challenge in “getting ourselves together.” Laziness itself is often a symptom of something else.
Truth be told, for most women (and men for that matter) who are struggling with obesity, the added weight is just a visible “side effect” of a problem coming from deep within. For some, it’s a serious health problem at the root, but for most others it’s something much more serious as the culprit.
This is where our diet binges, the
French Women Don’t Get Fat books, and afternoon talk shows won’t, and can’t, help us.
And no, you can’t even blame your husband (or family) for lack of support, or for buying those goodies (or wanting you to
make those goodies) when you
told them you’re trying to watch your weight.
As with any problem that’s adversely affecting our lives and psychological and physical well-being, we must look deep within to find the root cause. And although “depression” is often labeled the culprit, even depression itself is a symptom of something else.
Allah didn’t create us depressed, and He didn’t create us unhealthy.
So it is upon us to find out why more and more of us are turning to antidepressants, sleeping aids, drugs and alcohol (yes, drugs and alcohol
are a problem for many Muslims), illicit entertainment, and staring at ourselves in the mirror day after day hating what we see, or just struggling to get out of bed.
The problem is a deeply spiritual one.
But I say my prayers every day. I believe in Allah.
I’m not a bad Muslim.
Yes, I’m sure this is all true, for most of us. But dismissing spirituality as the root cause of our health problems and despondency is like an unhealthy person denying her obesity by saying
I take vitamins every day. I believe in good health. I’m not a bad person.
Do you have to be a “bad person” in order to benefit from healthier life choices?
Besides, no “good Muslim” would turn down the opportunity to improve spiritually. Only “bad Muslims” do that.
Here are some simple pointers for improving your health, and curing the deeper problems affecting your emotional, psychological, and physical well-being:
- Make Salaah the foundation of your day. In other words, every item on your daily schedule should be built around prayer. So instead of saying, I’ll do such and such at six o’clock in the morning, you’ll say I’ll do such and such after Fajr, before Dhuhr, or after Maghrib and so on.
- Make it a point to actually pray during Salaah. In other words, pay attention to what you’re saying and think deeply about your soul, your approaching death, your struggle to please Allah (and yes, it is a struggle).
- Increase the time you spend in rukoo’ and sujood, even if it’s only a few more seconds than usual. Relax as you bow and prostrate in prayer, and avoid being a “prayer thief.” The Prophet, sallallaahu’alayhi wa sallam, taught that the worst thief is the one who steals from his prayer—by not completing the rukoo’ and sujood.
- Read Qur’an daily. Set a daily minimum amount of time to read and/or a minimum number of pages to read, and stick to it. Take the Qur’an to work, listen to it in the car, read it on the bus, at school, and any and everywhere. And take time to reflect on what you’ve read. Read it in your own language, and in Arabic.
- Engage in daily dhikr, especially the morning and evening supplications from the Sunnah. You don’t have to say them all; just pick a few that are easy for you and say them after Fajr and before Maghrib (or right after sunset) each day. Download them to your computer, iPod or phone; or just keep the small Hisnul-Muslim (Fortification of the Muslim) tucked in a pocket of your purse. You can even visit the Makedua.com website daily.
- Make du’aa. Make du’aa. And make more du’aa. Make these supplications daily, even if short. And make them sincere and heartfelt. Cry to Allah, beg of Him, and humble yourself before Him. Allah fixes all things by simply saying “Be” and it’s done.
- If you can’t read the Qur’an in Arabic, with tajweed, learn. Now. [Okay, I can almost hear all the excuses of why you didn’t enroll (or stay) in this or that Qur’an program, or why your schedule won’t permit…blah, blah, blah…but save it. I don’t buy it. This is part of the reason we find ourselves in such muck in the first place: denial, and lying to ourselves, especially regarding our depraved spiritual states. If you have time to talk on the phone, go to school or work, play with your kids, backbite all those people you can’t stand, “Like” all those silly things on Facebook, and update Farmville—or if you even have time to struggle with your chocolate or sugar cravings (and thus increase that non-Aya-like waistline), you have time to learn Qur’an, somehow somewhere. And if you really believe the excuses you’ve invented for yourself, don’t talk to the computer screen or to yourself, talk to Allah. He’ll help you find that Qur’an teacher or online class that fits your “super busy, I don’t have time for Qur’an” lifestyle. If you really want to read His Book, you will. Simple as that.]
- Give charity, regularly. It doesn’t have to be an awful lot, and it doesn’t have to be with money or physical goods. Give your time. And you don’t even have to leave your home; in fact, I suggest that you don’t leave it. Our greatest opportunity for good is most often literally right in front of us: Smile at your children and hug them and listen while they speak. Smile at your husband. Hug him when he walks in the door, ask how he’s doing, and listen while he speaks (or rants J). And go that extra mile for him: Look nice, dress nice, smell nice (even if you don’t feel nice), and don’t argue with or criticize your man! (Though it has been proven that women have all the solutions to men’s problems). …Do all the things you know you should be doing anyway but have convinced yourself he (or your family) doesn’t deserve.
- Admit your faults and sins, to yourself and to Allah. Every day. And beg for forgiveness and reformation. And do something about it!
- Say you’re sorry to the people you’ve hurt, even if you think you’re right (or are absolutely sure). (This includes your husband and children, sisters J).
- Reunite with your parents and family, especially if you’ve had an argument or are annoyed with them because they simply can’t seem to get things right, even if the standoff is related to Islam. You can’t hope to please Allah if you don’t try your absolute best to please your parents, and keep those ties of the womb.
- Get up and pray Tahajjud in the last third of the night (or at least some time after ‘Ishaa), at least once each week.
- And, sisters, don’t look at your menstrual cycle as your “week off.” Get on task by increasing your Qur’anic reading (you can read from a Qur’an with translation if you follow the scholarly opinion that you cannot touch the mushaf during your cycle). Increase your dhikr and du’aa. Even get up in the last third of the night to supplicate to Allah. You don’t need wudhoo’ to raise your hands in supplication or to whisper a prayer while you’re cuddled under those covers. And definitely don’t leave off your morning and evening du’aa this “vacation week,” or ever!
- Fast Mondays and Thursdays (or at least three times each month). This purifies both the body and soul, and does wonders for helping you with that waistline too. And no, you shouldn’t fast just to lose weight, but you can throw in that intention as a means to have a healthy, fit body with which to worship Allah and be grateful. Remember Allah loves beauty, so there’s nothing wrong with fasting for the purpose of a healthy soul and physique.
- If you struggle with severe depression and/or have a very short attention span (or even repulsion or dread) for Qur’an or prayer, talk to someone knowledgeable in Qur’anic treatment and prophetic medicine. This will give you a much deeper and more authentic understanding of your problem than will antidepressants or a “shrink.”
If you integrate even
some of these things into your daily life, you’ll see changes immediately, with the help of Allah.
Not necessarily in your waistline, but in your heart.
And with a pure heart (or at least a heart being purified), you can think clearly and get your priorities straight. Then you can get other things right in your life—your health and desired weight amongst them.
Umm Zakiyyah is the internationally acclaimed author of the novels
If I Should Speak, A Voice, Footsteps, and
Realities of Submission. To contact her, write to
ummzakiyyah@yahoo.com or join her
Facebook page.
Copyright © 2010 by Al-Walaa Publications. All Rights Reserved.
