Baking Pleasures

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

This morning I woke up and it was so dark that I thought it was still 8am but it turned out to be 10.30am. Goodness, I've overslept! I thought of doing laundry but judging from the weather I don't think that's advisable coz it looks like it will rain the whole day.

So I decided to continue writing my story. Ah yes, I'm a freelance writer for an online repository and I haven't been sending in any fiction lately so I've decided to continue writing. To my horror, I found it missing in my thumbdrive! Astagfirallah...

I eventually found it in my external hard drive, alhamdullillah, and I will be starting on it soon. Influenced by The Mentalist and In Death, it's no surprise about the genre i've undertaken this time.

Ok, that aside, this entry is actually about my first Raspberry Swirls Cheesecake I made for my family, in particular my youngest brother who had asked for it months ago. Alhamdullillah, it turned out great and I am grateful for Allah for giving me the knowledge and patience to make it.

So first up, here are the ingredients:

There was only a punnet of raspberries left so I had to supplement it with some blackberries to make up 200ml of puree for the cake later.























So after about 3 hours of mixing, kneading and baking, here's what the cake look like:

Fresh from the oven... kinda looked like chocolate swirls right? But it's the lighting really. By the time it was done, it was about maghrib so it was dark. So I left it to cool and decorated it only the next day:

Still in it's pan... looks so pretty in the sun light doesn't it?













Here you go... out of the pan and onto the plate. That's the first slice for my middle brother. The youngest one was too busy with his homework to eat. Bleagh. But my brother said it was nice and asked me to open a bakery with him! So sweet!














I have yet to let Hubtobe eat it. He usually doesn't like sweet stuff but he has promised to eat this cake because I have lovingly made it. =)

Alhamdulillah the cake has turned out wonderful. For the first time, the crust actually did not break so that's another thing I'm grateful for. Insyaallah, I'll make more cakes in the future.

There's this one lady whom I owe alot of inspiration from. Her blog is here: http://homebakery.blogspot.com/ She has made a few cakes for me and my cousins and we are always grateful to her and she has very ethical business and is a pious woman as well, thus, salute!

As for me, I will constantly try to gain as much knowledge as possible especially with regards to cooking and baking, so I that I can be a good wife, daughter and sister to my loved ones. As Imam Shafiee said, “There is nothing more sacred after the fundamental obligations of faith than searching for knowledge” (Kitab al-Um).

Insyaallah, with Allah's permission, I will be better. =)

Innalillahi wa innalillahi rajiun...

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

Yesterday I was on the bus and bumped into one of my ex secondary school friend who also happens to be in the same university as me now. So we were talking and catching up on stuff when she told me about a mutual friend of ours who has had a misfortune.

The father of this mutual friend of ours recently had a stroke, leaving him paralyzed and unable to speak or recognize his family. It so happen that this friend of ours went for an exchange programme and when she returned, her father did not even know who she was. That must have been so painful for her and family... and I can only imagine their torture. Innalillahiwainnalillahirajiun...

Although we were not close especially after we went to different classes in secondary three, I still will pray for her and her family to have the strength to get through this ordeal. Whether or not her father makes it through, I hope that she will not lose her faith in Allah... and I pray that Allah lessens the burden on her. See... she still has a year to go in uni and she still has younger siblings who are still schooling and i think her mother has been a housewife her whole life.

I feel very sad for her... and after hearing this news, I am grateful that my father has quit smoking for more than 20 years now... and that he is still healthy. Allah has given my family more rezeki by letting my father work overseas... and I can only pray that Allah, the sustainer of all life on earth, continue to bless us with such rezeki.

On this topic, I'd like to make a reference to this post I found online on how to use 'masyaallah', 'innalillah' and 'insyaallah' in the right context and not to misinterpret it.

Innalillahi wa innalillahi rajiun- from Him we come and to Him is the return of all.

Things kids write

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

Children in their innocence write the most funniest things sometimes... and yet they so blatantly express their love for you without an ounce of shyness. Well... that usually is the case, until they grow up. Even for me, I don't say 'I love you' to my parents... it's not our culture because my mother believes that loving someone is in the actions you do, not the words you say. The contrast is for my dad who would really send me smses and emails ending with 'be good my baby, I love you.' Hehehehe. He still thinks I'm a little girl and it shows. Whenever he's overseas and buys me clothes, he always buys them in sizes big enough for an 8 year old. -laughs-

But anyway, this post is about my beloved tuition kid who secretly writes to me the most hilarious notes at the end of her compositions/karangan.

For example, yesterday we were doing a pictorial composition about 'A trip to the chocolate factory' and she did really well so I gave her 17/20 and here's what she wrote:



There's even laughter and a kiss. She's just so adorable.

Here's another note she wrote when we were discussing about my hair.



When I asked her why she described me, a female as 'handsome', she replied that it was because I had no hair. Lol! I told her that I do have hair, it's just that it's covered under the tudung!
As for 'islam princess', it was because she insisted that I could not be either Jasmine, Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty or Little Mermaid coz they all don't wear tudung. -laughs-

Here's another one:



This girl is so cute! She goes all the way to redeem herself by saying 'I love you' then she goes into a passive aggressive mode- insisting that I was both pretty and handsome with a grammar error at that. =)

She's only eight years old but she has come a long way from where she was in primary 1. I remembered we battled over her calculations, her grammar and so many other things in primary one coz she was failing english and maths so terribly. But I learn that children are as absorbent as a sponge if you encourage them and teach them right. Sometimes you've got to give them tokens of encouragement such as these:



Choosing stickers is her favourite time during the lesson coz she will ponder over it a long time to decide which sticker she wants to be pasted on the page. Well, at times she'll raid my other sticker collection in my organizer especially for the 'marie cat' and 'powerpuff girls' that I keep.

I remembered when I first started wearing tudung, the children were quite shocked and she kept on asking me why am I wearing 'that thing' and where's my hair. I suppose she doesn't know all these because the womenfolk at home do not put on the tudung. I told her that because it is wajib and she asked me what is that. So I had to explain in the most simplest way that wajib is something Allah expects us to do because we love Him. But she's too young to comprehend that.

But I always make sure that she knows special dates like Maulid Rasul and of course Ramadhan... she's still fasting for half days at a time, but I tell her she has to try.

There is one day when she asked me why doesn't her mother and aunt pray? And to that, I really had no answer. It is not that I want to speak ill of them, but that is the question she asked me. =( see... I teach the children from asar all the way to isyak so I have to perform my asar and maghrib at their house. Initially, I would qasar them because I didn't want to eat into the children's tuition time, but after a while, Hubtobe told me that I should fear Allah more than I fear being scolded by the children's parents. Furthermore, their maid does pray so she was very kind to let me use her prayer mat and pray in her make shift room =)

But you see, praying just beside the study table with the children in full view of me is a good thing for them... because they watch me (even though I say to do their work) and for the girl, she likes to ask a lot of questions afterwards and for the boy, it gives me an excuse to nag at him to pray instead of watching tv after his turn is over.

Although they are not my children, I still want to be able to teach them a little bit of agama on top of their secular learnings. I think I want to start them on reading the doa before studying. Insyaallah, it will help them absorb more with Allah's permission.

I really love these children and they are good kids who listen to you and don't make trouble. My boy wants to be a soldier and my girl wants to be an art teacher. I do not know till how long I would be teaching them, but I hope that when I leave, they will be better muslimin and muslimahs.

The jihad approach to battling with your weight

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

At first glance, the title of this post might sound ludicrous but I think it is appropriate.

Jihad, is an Arabic noun meaning "struggle" and is commonly found in the Quran in the form of "al-jihad fi sabillillah", meaning "striving in the way of Allah".

Surprisingly, Wikipedia gives a rather good sypnopsis of the various views regarding jihad. Being trained as a scholar, Wikipedia is not really seen as a credible source but this webpage has enough valid references to garner it some merit.

However, my main topic for the day is how I see battling with my weight a form of jihad. See, food, in excess becomes a form of gluttony and that in itself is a sin. Our Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. has said that if you must eat more, then make sure you fill your stomach with 1/3 food, 1/3 water and 1/3 air.

Also, in my opinion, Allah has lent to us this vessel, in the form of our bodies for us to serve Him. And how can we do so with near perfection if our knees collapse due to our weight?

For every illness, there is a remedy and in the broadest sense, the illness of gluttony has to be remedied by watching what you eat and exercising.

I keep telling myself that I have to struggle to be healthy because of Allah, so I can do more prayers and have the stamina to do more fasts in His name. Yet, I fail miserably, day after day because my heart is not strong enough to resist temptations.

With two more weeks till Ramadhan, I can still utilize the gym facilities before they freeze my account. I pray that I can resist the urge to overeat when breaking fast.

Struggle struggle struggle... I've got to struggle with 20kg of excess weight...

Oh Allah, give me the strength!

My darling friend is getting married!!!

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

I just received a mail on facebook from one of my darling friends telling me that she's getting married!! Oh my goodness! I was so happy that I started laughing and crying at the same time. It's so unexpected! But Alhamdullilah for her... Allah has decided for her that she would get married at the end of this year and Insyaallah everything will go as plan.

My friend is a very beautiful lady and quite coveted by men. She's half dutch and half malay so you can imagine how beautiful she looks.

I am very thrilled really and I hope that Allah will protect her and her fiance and grant them with happiness and a blissful marriage.

Amin

Nisfu Sya'ban

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

There are many articles online and also in books relating to this special day. Many consider some of the rituals (like reading yasin 3 times or doing a solat sunnah) a form of bid'ah while others see it as a day to expunge their sins. But I agree with this article here from Al-Mizan regarding some of the misconceptions of Nisfu Sya'ban. As such, I won't go into details about it.

For me personally, Nisfu Sya'ban is a start of a new chapter in my life. On the night of Nisfu Sya'ban at maghrib, our book of deeds are lifted to heaven and replaced with a new one. And wouldn't it be great to fill the first pages of that new book with as many good deeds as possible?

When I was younger, I used to read yasin and tahlil every thursday with my ustad and ustazah at their home where I learnt to read the Quran. So now I hope to cultivate the same habit, Insyaallah... These days, I only go for tajwid classes at their home on Monday but I still make it a habit to read the Quran at least 3 times a week, if not every night before I go to sleep. So, insyaallah, I will try to incorporate reading yasin or tahlil every thursday in time to come.

Tonight, I will be going to ustad and ustazah's house and I have decided to bring a sedekah of food for everyone. But that means I will have to stand and cook it. Ya Allah, give me the strength to stand in front of the wok and cook for usually I will be weak from fasting by 5pm.

Speaking of fasting... I bought an incredible book from the english bookshop at Darul Arqam yesterday. It's entitled 'The medicine of the Prophet'. I've only read a couple of pages but I intend to read more. So, in the book, our Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. said that there are two types of illnesses: of body and of the heart/spirit. I will talk about the book in more detail in another entry but for now I want to say that fasting is our Prophet s.a.w's way to strengthen the heart and spirit.

And right now, I need to strengthen my heart and spirit as much as I can. My mother always reminded me when I was younger that not only do our bodies (zahir) need to eat but also our spirit (batin) needs to eat and it has to be nourished with our amalans or good deeds.

So many a times, all our good deeds come to naught when we engage in just one bad deed and make Allah angry. As I've said at the very first entry, I want to begin this new chapter with more good deeds than bad.

Wallahualam bissawab

Two cents worth

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

Last night, Hubtobe and I were sitting at the dam, talking... it has been so long since we sat and talked like that. We're both busy with work and school, among other things.

So while we were talking, he brought up a subject about money. He asked me why is it some people find it so hard to part with their savings even though it's to help someone in their family or a close friend in need. I knew that he wanted to share with me something but he couldn't because he made a promise not to tell anyone. Hubtobe holds true to his amanah sometimes that I wonder if he's actually plagued by so much worries about other people. =(

So anyway, he was saying that we shouldn't hoard money even if we have legitimate reasons for saving up i.e. to buy a house or pay for rental etc. But the truth is, that money doesn't belong to us... we are merely 'borrowing' it in a sense. It stunned me really... at how true that was... and it made me cry a little.

Everything in this world is lent to us by Allah... It is Him to which everything came from and to which everything returns to. Nothing belongs to us... including our bodies and all our things... that's why we should take care of them carefully.

He then narrated a story to me about P.Ramlee, a legendary Malay actor, who, upon seeing a beggar asking for $2, gave $10 in his pocket to the beggar, although that was all the money he had with him. When his colleague saw what he did, he asked P.Ramlee why he did that and P. Ramlee replied that the money is not his but belongs to Allah. That made me tear up also.

So when I came home from the dam, I was a bit upset when I found out that my mom had bought an expensive designer bag from the Duty Free Shop. Although it was on discount and she paid only $300, I was still upset... because she already bought a Braun Buffel bag at the same price. Actually, my mom rarely buys anything for herself... and this was the first time she spent so much money on bags for herself.

But what saddens me the most is that she went to DFS with my cousin- and got exposed to all the luxury goods. I don't want my mom having high tastes for things because then you get trapped in a vicious cycle where you wanna buy and buy and buy.

What also saddens me is that I cannot afford to buy her such things, yet...

But, I do not want to come to a stage where I could afford to buy things worth thousands but could not bear to part with some money to help someone close in trouble. Insyaallah.

Remembering the battles

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

It is 6.15am. The alarm clock rings; signalling that it's time for subuh. Snooze.
It's 6.30am. The alarm clock rings again. Snooze.
By the time it gets to 6.45am, I tell myself either one of these two phrases:

1) I'll just do it when I wake up at whatever time later
2) I must get up or else Allah will be angry with me. xf azan subuh "solat is better than sleeping"

So each day it's like that... a battle to wake up especially for subuh prayers. Sometimes I wish we had something like this in college.

I vaguely remembered the first time Hubtobe dragged me to a mosque. I can't remember which one exactly coz we've been to so many. But I remembered the feeling of shame and stupidity when I saw others around me all covered so decently and behaving like as if the mosque is their home- their comfort in the house of God, humbled me.

I remembered trying to recall how to do my ablution and then later how to read my tahiyat akhir... it was very challenging and I remembered going home, finding my book on solat from my primary school days and learning all over again.

I also remembered the shock when after Maghrib prayers, I saw everyone around me getting up and doing prayers even though the iqama' wasn't announced yet. I was scared and confused. Only later did I ask Hubtobe what was it and he said they were doing solat Rawatib. Phew! But after a few months, I did dare myself to try doing the Rawatib; especially so when I'm in the mosque. Truth is... the more solat you do in the mosque, the more you feel at home in it... and I suppose that was the feeling I saw on the women's faces the first time I went to a mosque.

At that time, I still had not put on the hijab and trust me... women in the mosque DO give you THAT kind of look when you enter without covering your hair. Despite wearing a turtle neck and long skirt, I felt naked... and naked was how I felt each time I went into mosques... and the nakedness feeling continued even when I was in public.

I remembered going to the library because I felt so lost and so exposed. There, I picked a book entitled 'Why I started to wear the hijab' and I spent the whole night reading and crying over it.

I didn't tell Hubtobe about my experience the night before and I think I surprised him one day when we met and I was wearing the hijab already. And despite the humid weather, I was really happy to be covered. I remembered being so happy that day when we went to the mosque to pray Asar and Maghrib.

I have alot to thank Hubtobe for... it was him who helped me walk back to the straight path. He never forced but always spoke kindly and gently even though I was sometimes stubborn and defiant.

I remembered during the first few months, he would sms me every few hours to ask if I have performed the required solat of the day. It annoyed me alot but it was also like a reminder. Furthermore, I couldn't lie to him... I felt that if I lied to such an honest soul, God would double my punishments.

But now... more than a year has passed and Hubtobe does not need to remind me about anything anymore. And I'm grateful.

People always ask me why do I love him so much even when he has much imperfections (don't we all?) and I wish I could tell them... that I love him because he has helped me reconcile my true love which is for Allah... but they are not ready yet to understand this because they have not reconciled their love for Him.

There is more that I want to learn and even more that I want to learn together with Hubtobe.

Insyaallah, that time will come sooner. Amin.

Making Doa for others

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

Recently, I found out that a co-worker of mine is an on-off hijab wearer. I found out when I was looking through her photos on facebook. I tried not to think about it but I was disappointed. So I told Hubtobe and he told me that I should not be upset with her for her transgressions, but instead I should pray for her; may Allah open her heart to wearing it fulltime. He said that at least she is trying to wear it than not at all.

Hubtobe is always like that... he likes to see the glass as half full rather than half empty; always seeing the good in people and believing that they can change.

At first I was hesitant to make doas for people whom I consider hypocrites. It's not just the on-off hijabies, but also those who wear the hijab but do not pray. They break my heart =( But the worst ones are those who do all the above and still brag about their knowledge of Islam.

But last night, I found some enlightenment. I was reading surah At-Taubah and the meaning scared me so much that I felt humbled and sorry for being upset with these people instead of praying for them to change.

"The Hypocrites, men and women, (have an understanding) with each other: They enjoin evil, and forbid what is just, and are close with their hands. They have forgotten Allah. so He hath forgotten them. Verily the Hypocrites are rebellious and perverse." (Surah 9, Verse 67)

I do not wish for anyone to ever be left behind or forgotten by Allah. Truly, nothing is more devastating than that.

“Tidak beriman salah seorang di antara kalian sampai dia mencintai untuk saudaranya apa yang dia cintai untuk dirinya sendiri.” (HR. Al-Bukhari dan Muslim dari Anas bin Malik)

“Doa seorang muslim untuk saudaranya (sesama muslim) tanpa diketahui olehnya adalah doa mustajabah. Di atas kepalanya (orang yang berdoa) ada malaikat yang telah diutus. Sehingga setiap kali dia mendoakan kebaikan untuk saudaranya, maka malaikat yang diutus tersebut akan mengucapkan, “Amin dan kamu juga akan mendapatkan seperti itu.”

The above two hadith seek to remind me that selfishness is not the way of Islam. Making doa for someone without his/her knowledge gives pleasure to Allah i.e. Mardhatillah such that each time you make doa for a fellow Muslim, the angels say 'amin' for you. Masya'allah!

So back to my co-worker. I prayed to Allah such that He would open her heart and guide her back to the right path once again, to love her as He has loved all the people with Iman... and you know what? I saw her for the first time in our workplace musollah during Zuhur today. Masya'allah... I was so touched.

She never enters there except to adjust her clothes or tudung... but this afternoon I saw her there and her slippers were also wet from ablution.

Allah really hears our prayers...


Reference: http://al-atsariyyah.com/?p=1724

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

This morning I woke up to the most excruciating pain on my left shoulder and neck. My only consolation was that I had already sahur and did my fajr prayers. Somehow after prayers I had gone back to sleep and I must have slept wrongly or 'salah bantal' as the Malays say.

So there I was, unable to turn my head to either side and worst of all, I couldn't lift up my hands to do simple tasks like tying up my hair or putting on my clothes! Astagfirallah... every movement caused me to yelp out in pain and after a while it was too much to bear so I went to my mother's room and cried for help.

After seeing the doctor and taking my medication, I went to sleep. It was difficult to even put my head gently on the pillow but I tried. And I thought about this pain:

How much is this pain compared to the pain of hell-fire and torture in the grave? I can't imagine... but I think this pain must be less than the pain of giving birth (something I may experience someday).

But I am thankful for this pain and for everytime I fall sick because I take it as a sign of kafarah for my sins. May He inflict this pain and suffering now for my minor sins than for me to experience them after death. Don't you agree?

So may the tears I shed help cleanse me from my past sins... Insyaallah.

Innalillah we innalillah hi rajiun...
Syafakillah, may I get well soon

Amin

A first for everything

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

It's been a while since I've planned to open up a blog and so I've finally done it. I've been putting off writing a blog for a variety of reasons but after reading a few muslimah blogs, I've decided it's time.

I want to use this blog mainly to record my spiritual journey - it's been a year since I've put on the hijab and every day it is a challenge for me because putting on a hijab is not just about covering your hair; it's also about watching your words, your actions and increasing your iman. I am here now, learning to love Rasulallah s.a.w and always doing things in remembrance of Allah every day.

In a few days, it will be Nisfu Syaaban, a day where our book of deeds are carried to heaven and replaced with a new one. It is my hope that I would be able to fill that book with more pahala than dosa in the coming year. Insyaallah.

Hopefully, through my writings, I would be able to achieve some level of kafarah; a chance to cover my past sins and repent with taubatan nasuhah in the name of Allah.

At the same time, I hope to learn as much along the way from other women on other blogs, from those more knowledgeable than I and of course, from my own mistakes.