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"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

My mother just got home from the doctor... and she told me that he suspects that she has dengue fever. I'm actually very surprised as to how that is possible. Our plants do not have water holders below them, meaning that water drains out. We don't leave water in pails... so I don't know how she got it. -sigh-

It saddens me on two fronts when I heard this news- first is of course for my mother. She is still young... and so am I and my brothers. Although I can do things by myself now, I do wish for her to be with us as we grow older.

Although her ways are not always the best, it does not mean that I do not love her.

Secondly, I am sad for myself. If my mother is hospitalized... that leaves ALL the housework to me. And that is on top of my studies. The men in the house really can't do much or won't do much rather. I'd have to wash all their disgusting clothes when they could actually do it themselves.

I pray that the blood test is negative and that she doesn't really have dengue and that the rash is just an allergy to something. -sigh- But if it's positive... then it has been decreed by Allah...

Everything happens for a reason... and so I have to accept it.

Planning....

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

Alhamdullilah, my recess week is over. Somehow I find myself at a loss with so much free time that scheduling seems redundant. Today is a good Monday morning and so I have a few things to write down just for my own remembrance:

1) I am grateful to have my professor supervisor; even though he is very demanding and very difficult to please. He is very prompt in his replies to my emails and always gives me questions and pointers that make me think deeply. Insyaallah, under his guidance, I will have a better planning exercise and I will produce a good thesis paper. I pray that Allah will make this journey for me a little easier.

2) Today I saw a friend posting something on facebook that went like this- If you have a target to get wed, why not also have a target to go to haj?
It struck me that one. Of course, I would love to go to haj. Another friend commented that it's not just the spiritual and financial preparations but also freeing up time. Hubtobe and I have sort of planned [though hazy] that we should go to umrah, or haj before/during our holidays before we see the world. This is of course subject to whether we marry before or after my masters. But I do so wish to have some time for ourselves to travel and do our umrah and/or haj before the kids come. But then again, I found out about someone who planned to go to haj after her third child has weaned off and they would go before they have a fourth child. Masyaallah.... and they planned this at the very start of their marriage. =)

3) I plan to take it one day at a time. Somehow things are getting harder for me, since that day. Each day to rebuild myself and to have a stronger faith that Allah is the best of all planners.

Insyaallah...

Amin...

Humbling reminder

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

Today I came across this ayat in the Quran and thought it would be best to share it here. It reminded me about the Greatness of Allah and how we as humans must never forget that we need Him but He doesn't need us:

أَلَمْ تَرَ أَنَّ اللَّهَ خَلَقَ السَّمَاوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضَ بِالْحَقِّ ۚ إِن يَشَأْ يُذْهِبْكُمْ وَيَأْتِ بِخَلْقٍ جَدِيدٍ

 

Seest thou not that Allah created the heavens and the earth in Truth? If He so will, He can remove you and put (in your place) a new creation?

   وَمَا ذَ‌ٰلِكَ عَلَى اللَّهِ بِعَزِيزٍ

 Nor is that for Allah any great matter.

Just two lines... but so powerful. Masyaallah. I could literally 'hear' Allah saying the last line to Mankind. I actually said 'wow' after reading that line. It's like a slap to my face perhaps, as a reminder that our existence here is only because Allah wills it. Any difficulties and any ease which He gives to our lives are His decisions alone.

This reminds me of a video from youtube that I watched about a poor, blind old lady whom when interviewed about her poverty, never stopped praising God. Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFqfVIxGPlY&feature=player_embedded

One of the questions that the reporter asked was: So Ummi, do you have any children? Do they come and visit you? And she said- Allah is always with me, I do not need anyone else.

Masyaallah... truly, the most grateful are those who get so little but are thankful for so much. I pray for that old lady and I also pray that I could attain that level of thankfulness for everything in my life.

Wallahualam Bissawab

Getting into the Groove

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

I'm currently recovering from food poisoning and so this week I'm going to be a little slow in thought and actions. After one hour of teaching or studying, it just drains me so much! But before I go and rest, I just wanna lay out some thoughts about the thesis paper I'm crafting. 

Truth is, the process is harder than it seems. And my organized self finds it so difficult to move in a zigzag manner when I see the research process as a linear manner. It involves alot of going out into the field, talking to people, then reviewing the literature, then reviewing your research question again and again and again. That's just so exhausting! 

They say that it is too early to determine anything, therefore, I should not be stuck in my decision to be final. -sigh- I guess as the more experienced professors, they'd know better.

I've got to think alot on my own now... and then I'm going to try and formulate some questions and begin my pilot interviews soon. I'm so shy and I find it difficult to talk to strangers really... Yeah... that means I better get that $150 voice recorder.

Alright, time to rest. This research process is something new for me... but if I find it to my liking, insyaallah then, Academia is for me.  =)

Wallahualam bissawab.

Shukran for this remedy...

"In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate"

I am thankful to Brother Hamid for posting this entry here.

But I'd like to put up something he shared about the Prophet s.a.w; a beautiful do'a that is full of sincerity, humily and total subordination to Allah... I cried when I read this and i find it so humbling that I am crippled for words to describe it.

 

“O Allah! Unto You do I complain of my weakness, of my helplessness and of my lowliness before men. O most Merciful of the merciful. O Lord of the weak and my Lord too. Into whose hands have you entrusted me? Unto some far off stranger who receives me with hostility? Or unto a foe whom you have empowered against me? I care not, so long as You are not angry with me. But Your favouring help, that were for me the broader way and the wider scope. I take refuge in the light of Your countenance whereby all darknesses are illuminated and all things of this world and the next are rightly ordered, lest You make descend Your anger upon me or lest Your wrath beset me. Yet it is Yours to reproach until You are well pleased. There is no power and no might except through Thee.”
 

Masyaallah...

And something to remind myself....

When someone rejects you in any aspect of life, do not get disheartened, rather rejoice within yourself saying to yourself Allahukaber! Worst could have happened, Alhumdulillah! It didn't happened. My Creator plan's are, indeed better than those of his best of creations (human beings).Its better to get rejected at first place than to get divorced later (in every aspect of life).What have I lost? Nothing! What belongs to me after all that i may loose.


I accept all that He has decreed upon me for He knows best what I know not. 

He has given me this opportunity to increase my faith in Him and search for His love; a love above all else. 

I put all my faith in His plans for they are the best for me and for my religion.